life...

Okay, so I haven't blogged since the day after my little guy got here. But life has happened and I just have not felt like talking about it. However, I think I should! I want to scream and yell and hate and I just can't!!! My little guy was taken from my on February 24th, he was 30 days old. He passed away sometime between 5 and 9 am. They said he just stopped breathing in the night. They are calling it SIDS.. I keep looking for an explaination, but am not getting one. I keep sitting around waiting to hear him cry and nothing. The house is some what quiet and sad. Every night before Liliana goes to bed, she waves at the ceiling and says Bubba. Maybe she sees something I don't, okay obviously, she does. I often cry myself to sleep after everyone else goes to bed, cuz I miss him so much. Yesterday was 1 month since he left us and we took carnations to his grave. It was a very hard day, the girls begged to go see him and they didn't want to go to school. So we took them with us and then went to my mom's to hang out.

To William's dad, I am not here to judge you, but to be your friend. You know you have an ear when you need someone to listen. I don't know what to say to him, butI know it's not fair. All I can do is try to be his friend. We once shared this great love, or so I thought, but I would like to think so. We have another beautiful child together, who makes me believe in the more positive side of things.

On a more positive note, Troy and I finally set a date!! We are getting married on June 5th, of this year. We have not decided where we are going to take a honeymoon to as of yet. I think that I am going to start blogging more and put my letters to my little guy on here, so maybe it can help anyone else that is going thru something like this in their life, or they just need to read them to help them heal..