Another Bad day...

Well today, started out okay. I woke up in time to get the girls up and out the door on time to catch the bus. Then my mommy came over to watch Liliana for Troy and I to go to our pre-marriage counseling. Then when we got home from that, it was time for Troy to head to work. Mom and I went to Anthony to Alco to find some stuff for the flowers. We also found a memorial that is made with the design from our wedding invitations on it with some artificial flowers for our little guys grave. We went out their and mom put them next to his headstone. I cry everytime I go out there, it just a metal marker with William L Hayden and 2010-2010 on it. So mom brings me back home and goes home herself. She's not home 30 minutes when she sends me a link to where you can order headstones, for a reasonable price. I never thought headstones would be so costly.... BOY was I wrong!!!! So we start looking at different designs and things and it just made me really sad. We all ended up going out to Pizza Hut, and I just wanted to go put my little guy to bed and give him a kiss... Just to hold him again and give him my love, as he looks up at me like "mommy would you please stop" >:D< ..... I know he is flying on Angels wings right now, and he is in a better place but God my life was GREAT and now it is good, but it's not as great as it was... I'm trying to stay strong for the girls, but it is soooo hard!!! They don't understand and they want answers and I wish that I could give them the answers to take their pain away... I know that one day we will all understand, but until then it is gonna be hard... I LOVE AND MISS YOU LITTLE GUY, WILLIAM!!!! Until mommy writes again... Goodnight my love... XOXOXO